Convictions

I know it has been awhile since I last posted but life has been so busy and I just haven't felt really great lately. I seem to always be tired no matter how much sleep I get, I have reoccurring headaches and I seem to want to eat everything in sight. (No I am most def. NOT pregnant so don't even let that thought enter the realm of possibilities) I think the stress of being separated is just having its way with my body and the weight gain isn't helping. I need to get on track with this soon.

Anyway the reason for the post other than I am ready super early for church. One of the last posts I wrote was a list I had created for the next 'mate' that I have whether than be Josh or someone else. A few days after I wrote that I was reading in the book that my Bible Fellowship class studying and God called me on that in a big way. We are reading "Lies Women Believe and the Truth that Sets Them Free" by Nancy Leigh DeMoss. I highly recommend this book to any woman who is in bondage or feels like she is only keeping obligations because she feels like she has to. Anyway the lie that I was studying was this, "I have my rights" in the chapter about lies women believe about themselves. Now some of you may gasp and say 'of course I have my rights' and you are correct. By government standards we as women have the right to vote, the right to choose the fate of an unborn baby, the right to own land, the right to carry a gun, etc. I created that list out of anger and pain and because so many people have said to me "you deserve better than that" or "If this one wasn't the right one then whoever the right one is must be amazing." After you hear that for so long you begin to believe that you deserve the best the world has to offer and this was my biggest mistake. I believed that I deserved better and that God would provide that for me but what I learned is that I deserve what God provides for me and whatever that may be is what I should be content with. Now that doesn't mean that I will be content with being the maid, cook, financial planner, etc. I don't believe that responsibilities like should all be on the wife. God used the story of Jonah to convict me. Here is a brief run down.

Jonah was an OT prophet who was angry with the Ninevites and believed that he had a right to see them judged by God. But God didn't do what Jonah wanted so Jonah got mad and angry with God. He even begged God to kill him because he was so angry. God confronted Jonah asked him if he thought he had the right to be angry and Jonah wouldn't answer God. So like many young children do when things don't go their way, Jonah went outside of town, built a make shift shelter, and sat and waited and pouted until God changed his mind about destroying the city. I can remember so many times when my sister and I would crumble to the floor and cry and yell when we didn't get our way. Imagine how spoiled we would have been if we had gotten our way every time we pouted. We would be monsters. So back to the story, Jonah was suffering in the heat so God showed compassion on him and grew a vine over him to shelter him and provide him relief and Jonah was of course happy about that. But when Jonah didn't realize his selfishness God sent a worn to eat up the vine and then sent a hot sun. Jonah was once again miserable because God didn't give him what he wanted. So once again God asked Jonah if he had a right to be angry about the vine and he said that he did and that he was once again angry enough to die.

The point of the story is this and I am going to type it verbatim so I don't mess it up: "Jonah felt he had the right to control his own life and environment, to have things go the way he wanted them to go, and to be angry when they didn't. His insistence on his rights caused him to emotionally unstable, isolated, and estranged from God." pg 76

In a world where today we can get things "our way" like most fast food places advertise, we have to remember that if we were honest, most of the times when we claimed our rights we were happy for a short time and then back to being miserable. In order to be fulfilled we need to yield our rights to God and trust that He knows exactly what we need for the day or moment.

So I am no longer making a list because I realize that what I deserve is what God sees fit to give me. If that means that God is going to restore my marriage then great and if not then I'll have to be okay with that. It won't be as easy for either circumstance as it is for me to type it out but I have to be faithful and obedient and trust.

So there is my soapbox for the day. With the presidential race coming to a close we need to remember that what both of these men promise are just words. The actions come later and we have to hope that they will allow God to lead and direct them in the way that they should go. I personally voted for McCain/Palin solely based on the fact that whoever gets in office will be able to stack the supreme court justices and their affliations may or may not overturn Roe v. Wade. Other than that I had a really had time deciding so I can sympathize with those who are struggling with that decision.
I hope this finds you all well!